The Mean Girl

That was me. I was the mean girl. And now, watching my nephews grow up, and watching my baby get closer and closer to little girl-hood, it breaks...no it shatters...my  heart. I bullied. I kept people out of my "club." I kicked. I made people feel small. Just so that for maybe a moment, a tiny moment, I could feel big.

We were recently at a family party with wonderful people. Anna Kate was playing in the girls' room. She had never seen such bounty of pink, doll, sparkle, and shine! She was sitting in the corner, playing with a barbie doll (she only owns 1 doll and had never seen such a thing!). It was a naked barbie doll. But she didn't care! She was playing with it, patting its head and enjoying a new discovery. The older girls across the room looked over, pointed, laughed, and said, "Look!! She's playing with a naked barbie!" Anna Kate obviously had no idea what had just happened. She looked back at the girls, smiled brightly, and continued playing with the doll. But it was my first glimpse into something that could hurt her in the future. She was excited and enjoying playing with a doll. Had no reason to think there was anything wrong with what she was doing. And these girls are NOT mean. That is not my point here. I just saw how a simple comment like that from the "older" girls (insert cool, prettier, etc) could in the future make Anna Kate put aside something she thought was fun just to please other people. And as much as I know it happens, it truly hurts my heart to know that her innocence, her joy, her exuberance for life will change as these experiences occur in her life.

Oh Lord, help me know how to help my daughter handle the mean girls and the hurts (big and tiny) that are inevitably going to be a part of her life. Give me the wisdom, the grace, the love, and the strength to know when to help her stand up, to know when to give grace, and to know when to walk away. Help me to know when to step in and help me to know when I need to stand close by and let her walk through these trials.