Thursday, December 08, 2005

no man is an island

or at least he shouldn't be. Ok, I'll take some ownership - I shouldn't be. The more you isolate yourself from friends and family - the more selfish you become. It's inevitable. If you do not have people around you, who else do you have to think about than yourself? I have done an incredible job of convincing myself that I am fine with being alone and in fact prefer it. So it turns out that's not true and I didn't understand the repercussions that stem from that frame of mind. I have told myself this for as long as I can remember and I've finally figured out why. To avoid disappointment. I am much too fearful of being disappointed. From family. From friends. From people I work with. But I've come to realize it isn't about how my friends and family treat me - it's how I'm treating them and what huge walls I've constructed to keep people out. No wonder I don't feel close to many people. How can I if I keep them at 2 arms lengths away? (I've also come to realize that my personal 'bubble' is much larger than typical, but that's a completely different subject). The tiniest hurt and my walls spring back up and I forget what it was like to ever have them down.


Jason said...

Can you send this to 'W'? He needs perspective.


Tammy said...

Hmmmm... Andria with walls? I've never picked up on that. ;o).

Love you!!!!

andria said...

I know - it really is a shocker :)