Thursday, December 08, 2005

no man is an island

or at least he shouldn't be. Ok, I'll take some ownership - I shouldn't be. The more you isolate yourself from friends and family - the more selfish you become. It's inevitable. If you do not have people around you, who else do you have to think about than yourself? I have done an incredible job of convincing myself that I am fine with being alone and in fact prefer it. So it turns out that's not true and I didn't understand the repercussions that stem from that frame of mind. I have told myself this for as long as I can remember and I've finally figured out why. To avoid disappointment. I am much too fearful of being disappointed. From family. From friends. From people I work with. But I've come to realize it isn't about how my friends and family treat me - it's how I'm treating them and what huge walls I've constructed to keep people out. No wonder I don't feel close to many people. How can I if I keep them at 2 arms lengths away? (I've also come to realize that my personal 'bubble' is much larger than typical, but that's a completely different subject). The tiniest hurt and my walls spring back up and I forget what it was like to ever have them down.

3 comments:

Jason said...

Can you send this to 'W'? He needs perspective.

Jason

Tammy said...

Hmmmm... Andria with walls? I've never picked up on that. ;o).

Love you!!!!

andria said...

I know - it really is a shocker :)